I cockslap morals
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
