She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
