btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
