My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
