that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
