I seem to have left my pride at pride
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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