I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
