everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
