I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
