dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
