I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
