ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
