Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize