I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
