and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
