I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
