No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
