We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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