I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize