your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
