She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
