Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
