I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
