You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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