I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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