O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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