There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She bit a glass in half.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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