who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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