I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
