I heard we made out
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
