omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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