somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
