so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
