Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
