well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize