So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
pray to the hookup gods
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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