I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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