Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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