I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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