May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
