I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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