I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
that's an acceptable place to lick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
