Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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