dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
