just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
