My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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