We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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