why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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