you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
