It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
