What a fucking waste of an outfit
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
