i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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