Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
