I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
