i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
