HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
