I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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