and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
