i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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