These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
