so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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