is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
