Screwed.edu
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
