I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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