We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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