If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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