I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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